perhaps perhaps perhaps

questions questions questions...

Lately I'm kinda a bit touchy with hm... how should I say it? Touchy with stuff that are supposed to be not so touchy. Make sense? Sounds good to me. If my emotion is a piece of cake, then I guess that piece of cake is already fucked and pulp up beyond any recognition. FUBAR. Oh did I mention to you that I'm writing this half awake? I think I walked like a good 8km around Frankfurt today. Oh I didn't tell you I'm in Frankfurt? Okay...now that you already know so that makes it a OK :)

I received my new addition of film SLR a few days ago. So today, is the baptism of fire for the camera. Finished 3 rolls of films. A Kodak finest grain 100 ( well, I'm half asleep so I guess I get to forget things ), porta 800 and centuria 200. Went out with this guy, we shall call him mister Duck. He is a big motivation and inspiration to me. His composition is so simple yet so nice. Should I dissect his brain? I...don't think that is a good idea too..and here I am with a film SLR... It's not embarrassing it's just feels weird. Can't wait to come back to process those films.

I can't help but noticed that Mobet is on a regular roller coaster ride recently. That's what I hate about new year. Same stuff happened last year. Can't we have like skip the whole emo ride and be sunny and shiny forever? Then again, I am not only a fair weather pilot. I fly through bad weather more often than not and I triumphantly ( "have to be so dramatic meh?" the nyonya shouted from the last row ) landed the aircraft.

They say if you don't have fear, you don't appreciate the things you have. They also say, if you don't fear of losing something, you don't love em enough. I kinda agree with that. BUT I hate this butterflies in my tummy. Yes, more than one. I think there's a whole village of butterflies in my tummy. Gosh, I think I need to do a cat scan pretty soon. I hate this feelings. The feelings of being unloved. Abandoned. I need love too. To be loved and cared for. Am I giving too much? Do I make you feel too comfy until you forgot to give but take? I don't want any of the worldly possessions. I just need you. I need your love.

...Felt like a puppy with a plague dying by the road side and nobody cares. Oh and picture that in black and white with thunderstorm hoovering on top of me...

Here are the things I wish for...

Talk to me, love me, tell me you love me, tell me you are faithful as I am. Say your deepest dirtiest secrets, you know I can take it.

Just like you, I need reassurance too.

happy new year and happy mobet's day

Wow, I can't believe it's 2011 already!! Now let's recap. Slept early on new year's eve cos I've gotta work on sunday morning the 1st of Jan. Bebet is off and I'm off to Sydney. Sickening...and that flight, my left hand man is Mister...we shall call him mister G.

There is nothing wrong with him except he work too hard, he is right 11 out of 10 times and you can't bullshit him on anything. Why oh why is that? Cos he is beyond sharp and spot on. I admire him although I can imagine it CAN be very hard to be on your toes all the bloody fucking time. Not to mention stressful. One thing he shared with me which I totally agree. He told me this :

laziness is a crime

procrastination is a very infectious virus

I totally agree with him. If you remember in my previous few posts, most if not all problems stem from laziness. Lazy to go further up ahead to make a legal U turn and make one illegal one? BAM! hit by a truck and die. Lazy to think about what you're gonna do tomorrow? wasted 24 hours of your life doing chickenshit. Lazy to think about your love ones? Wouldn't be surprise if you lose him/her pretty soon.

The latter, defined by wikipedia as..

In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions or tasks with low-priority actions, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time

Pretty self explanatory if you ask me. Kinda a self reminder to yours truly as well. I'm a naturally lazy...no lemme rephrase, naturally lack of activity person. I do want to improve myself over the years but my main problem is I lacked motivation. So, if you ask me what is my new year resolution? I can simply say, I would wanna be a more hard working person and be less lazy. Gimme a break okay, I can't like lie to myself and say OK! I'm gonna be NOT lazy. Lemme ask you this, can you QUIT smoking? Like NOW? See? Oh by the way you don't have to answer that :)

Had a meaningful chat with Bebet via bbm last night. It's about person that we've been with. Gosh twice I disappointed Bebet. I want to be open to her. I have nothing to hide. I can sense her disappointment. I love her history and I really had a good time listening to bebet telling me her misadventures hehehe don't ask, I will NOT put it in writing :) but the thing is, since my ex days like many thousand days ago, I am mentally trained to not to bare all. Most of my ex partner "pretend" to be open and at the end of the day stab me back with my stories. I know Bebet won't do that to me. I know that so very much but it's just my defence mechanism kicks in. I need to be peel like an onions I guess. Layer after layer slowly and surely I will bare all. Really hope bebet will be able to do this.I need to be mentally 'safe' to tell my tales. Reassurance would be nice too. I want to bare all to her but I really don't know how. Now I understand how those people who can't find their way back feels like. Helpless... in the dark with flesh eating zombies all around, sigh...

Oh, today is our mini anniversary. Gosh, I've been married for quite sometime now. I still miss bebet so much, love bebet so much and wants bebet so much. I'm just not too happy about the depression of comparing our roster months in months out. It is such a hopeless situation where your day together are dictated by a few cunts and pricks in the office. Bebet is doing narrow body flights and with the company expanding like a cow having a fit, she is flying like a machine. Wake up, get ready, make up, pick up, reporting, fly fly fly and smoke smoke smoke, touch down, eat if possible, back pain, momot pick up back home, smoke, fuck if able sleep and repeat the whole charade.

But then, If, bebet quits her job, what would bebet do at home then? Sitting at home watching Kate and some kids +8 while eating her M & Ms and clicking her farmville, frontierville and cafe world? I wouldn't want her to waste her time like that. But then again the plus point is, If I'm still in 777 we would have more time together. decisions decisions decisions...

Guess the best thing is to get preggy and see from there on. Talking about that, I really think we should do something about it pretty soon. Tawaqqal and hopefully the BIG guy won't punish us too much...gosh have I used up all my luck?

Oh well, last but not least, happy new year to you. Peace be upon you my friends and my foes too. Hopefully 2011 will brings you better life, better health and better man/woman.

Amen

What I saw

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There's something about Frankfurt

I was in Frankfurt a few days ago and it is snowing like a son of a bitch. We arrived at 6:20 in the morning and we were expecting heavy snow and bad visibility but instead the weather is A ok. Surprising.

The sunrise was at about 820 am. Took my own sweet time to shower and unpacked. Prepared my cameras and as I was about to go out I figured, why not have a peek at the weather just in case... Bloody hell! It is snowing like all of a sudden the god of ice shitted an earth worth of ice on Frankfurt...well a bit overdramatic I know but it IS bad ok.

I then have to reschedule the outing. Eventually went out bout 2pm and guess what? Sunset is at 430. Not much light there I guess. Shot a roll of film that day. Yup you got it right, I shoot film sometime. It's a real curiosity. I have high regards toward the gods of film photography. Like mister Ansel Adam to name one. How on earth did he create those pictures? His comprehension of lightning and the relationship of aperture and exposure must be super good. Along the way, I saw 1 photography store and managed to find my measurement cup. Yay to me! Had my dinner after that and then went back to hibernate.

There's something about winter. The sight of snow all around. The cold. The damp. It is just pure romantic to me. The sight of 2 lover walking in the snow holding each other tightly...it is just screaming pure love to me. Those are my version of winter in my corrupted mind. It might not apply to you :)

Oh well that's my winter Frankfurt I guess. Danke!

T minus 2

Hello I know I skipped a few T minuses but hey! I'm back.

Was in the city of LA few days ago. Bought 3 ipads for sis, bebet and moi. Nuff said I'm really happy with the purchase. And here I am using it for mobet's world.

Oh my 2nd 4 stripes is soooooo irritating the whole day yesterday. We were at this special forces watch shop and this gurl, Jasmine, attended to my 4 stripes, let's just not get ourselves confused and just call him sunflower. So, Sunflower wanted to get a titanium watch but this 2nd stripes, we shall christen him terrorist, literally stole Sun's spotlight and was trying for Jasmine attention. How fucked up can that be? Very much I can say. So Sun keep on calling this gal for Q and A. I just don't get it man.

What ticked me off is the following incidents...

" are these watches for special forces?"

" yes they are but we do provide for the general consumers as well " Jasmine answered

Drum rolls...

The badigol asked later " so do you have watches for terrorists ? "

Like they say in Malay...kepala hotak Lu la mat...

They are a few things you shouldn't be kidding about when you're in the states. Which are terrorist, bomb, guns, Islam and a few more that I can't recall. It ain't funny

The badigol later joke about buying guns. If you put one and one together this guy should be in Guantanamo by now but hey! Stupid people would never get caught. Nuff said

Www then went to this shopping arcade by Melrose. It is called The Grove. From there we went to a few blocks away to get Sun's PowerBook battery. It's cheaper here by the way, cost twitch as much in Malaysia. On route to the apple reseller we passed by a few streets with a very strong Hebrew culture. Saw some halls with Hebrew written on the walls and some synagogue. And this badigol actually kid about yelling " I hate Jews! ". At first we thought he was pulling our legs. A few minutes later he actually wind down his window and yell the above chant and we literally jump and fucked him for that.

Dude, it ain't funny. You're so fucked up dude.

This badigol has a few Koi. No you don't eat koi. It's just not right. Eer do you know what Koi is? It's a very expensive pet fish. He keeps on telling us about his koi. Dude, I don't care nor give a fuck about your koi. He wS looking for koi shop in LA. Duh, I guess he just wanna show to the whites that he knew more. This guy has this " I just have got to impress " sickness. He conversation is all about 3 guys and 3 guys only which is, Me, Myself and I. I know you met a few of this sickos throughout your life. They're just making me wanna puke blood. Sick to the tummy.

It's getting late and it's also rush hour. Moto-moto drove for about 1 hour to our next destination - the buryani shop. Which is the next thing on my list.

What's with Asian must eat rice thing? I just don't get it dude. It's curry and rice that's it. You are in LA! Have some burger, have some steak. And here you are driving to an unfriendly neighborhood to have ... Drum rolls...cymbals clashing! Buryani... Duh

Last itenary of the day is Target, bought like tons of candies for Bebet. It's Halloween! So candies are by the tonne here and it's bloody c.h.e.a.p.

We went back to the hotel after that. Tired and shagged.

Good night LA

I shall return.

Redux

Despite all the above yaking, I did enjoy the trip after all. Been on the road with a bunch of guys really brings out the bad, or worst in you. Makes you wonder about those guys that you perceived as cool. Are they really cool or they're just another badigol in disguise.

~ it's a mobet's world ~

Bebet

Pejam celik pejam celik ( that's in a blink of an eye you mat salleh!!! Hehehe ) it's already a year. Time is moving at warp speed. It doesn't fly. They lied to you.

We went to Bali ( yes, again ;) so I love the place so much ) for our anniversary. This time only the 2 of us and my god... It is so peaceful, fun and more fun. Doesn't matter that we didn't do anything just cruising along and doing nothing but cuddling and rediscover each other.

Gosh has it really been a year? This time last year we were just married and I was really wondering then, what would happen one year from now... Alhamdulilah, thank god we are still intoxicatingly " people see you wanna puke public exhibition of affectionish " in love, Bebet is more cool headed and a more patience Bebet. What else could I ask for? I'm lucky alhamdulilah syukran :)

Morale of the story, as long as you have a will for it, god will show you the way. Be it robbing a bank, being faithful, a reformed man whore... Heheh

Bebet, I want you to know, I love you so much. May god grant us many more years to come and many little ones

Amen

~ it's a mobet's world ~

Addict

I can't stop checking bbm from you.
I can't stop texting you
I can't stop thinking about you
I can't stop myself from thinking what to buy for you

I want to be with you...
25 hours a day,
8 days a week and
13 months in a year
I still believe I am definitely not your stalker although I'm like your shadows nowadays

I don't feel comfortable knowing you're alone at home
I don't feel good knowing you're unhappy about things
I don't feel good knowing you're in pain

I love to make you laugh
although most of the time I laugh louder and longer than you
and it's my joke anyways...

I pray to god we will age together
I pray for your health
I pray you will be happy with me

I hope you will remember me when I'm gone
I hope the last face that I will gaze is your face if it's my time to go

I love you with all my heart.

Love you bebet :)

~ it's a mobet's world ~