If Rozita Che wan is...

Was talking rubbish with Bebet the other day after I saw Rozita Che wan's mother's day article in The Star and suddenly a vision struck me...

What if Rozita Che Wan is my wife?

Ya I know it's hilarious. Rozita? My wife? you must be rolling on the floor laughing by now. Hey! But just for argument sake,don't burst my bubble just yet alright.

I don't dress smart all the time. Usually shorts and Tees. Say if I were Rozita's hubby would she sit with me when I'm dressed like that? As a public figure surely people would look at her and wonder who the hell is this loser by her side? Is that her driver? My god, I'm the husband you fart! Rozita as always would elegantly dressed and here I am with my bermuda that I bought from Giant and my faded Astroboy tees ...what the f... Oh well let's imagine another scenario.

You know Burger Longkang? No? Never heard about it? well It's a term the Mrs and I Coined to describe those El cheapo burger that you usually see by the roadside with semi bright tungsten light that runs on half depleted car battery. It never cease to amaze me how in the world they manage to actually see what they're cooking in that kinda lighting condition. To be honest some of them are really good though and it's kind of a default 'meal' when I'm too numb to think what's for dinner.

Okay back to the story. What if one fine day maybe back from shooting and Zeta ( since we're hubby and wife now that's her cute name by the way ) is hungry and I suggested the Burger Longkang and I wonder would she say " are you OUT of your freaking MIND Momot? I have to look after my calorie okay! we wouldn't want to look FAT now do we?" and she would give me the whole 9 yards talk about how she need to earn a living and look good, slim and the sort and she would refuse to talk to me all the way cos I actually suggested 'high calorie' food and think that i'm sabotaging her...

and guess Who wouldn't get laid that night... Ya ya laugh some more...

I love photography. My niche is Urban life. You know, pictures of people in the city, buildings, streets and the lot. You don't have to go far to look for subjects even your neighbour's 18 year old daughter CAN be a subject if you want but hey! That's another story. Oh where were we?

I was imagining another scenario with Zeta. Say what if I have an itch, well let's up the ante a bit, a deadly itch for a photograph outing and since I'm flying most of the time and Zeta's schedule is pack as well, we are left with only 1 weekend together. Now I have to cramp Zeta's shopping session vs Momot's photo shootout and the kids outing in 1 day ... Let see how am I gonna do this...

Okay there are a few elements in this outing. Zeta's shopping, the kids outing and my photoshoot. The most ecomical and productive sense to do it is to cramp all that and to do it in one go and what better place to do it than Petaling Street? I can imagine how loud Zeta would
scream as I turn and park my car in the Central Market parking lot. What? Never heard of Petaling Street? Okay there are Pavillion SuperDuperHyperIronman-ishShinyMiney Shopping Mall in Bukit Bintang for the royalty and the rich and famous and then there is Petaling Street... Which is the total antihero of Pavillion. It's hot, the seller harass you, pack, I'm talking about sardine can pack here and it's the whole definition of cheap and replica ( read rip off fake ) stuff. Oh and I would imagine Zeta screaming louder than a Boeing 777 taking off at full power yelling "what the F@%K ARE WE DOING HERE MOT?! ( contrary to popular belief pretty lady DO scream, and they scream LOUD! ) As a very famous artist, I guess she wouldn't wanna be caught dead cruising the street of Petaling and in the end we just have to chill at Pavillion SuperDuperHyperIronman-ishShinyMiney Shopping Mall sipping a rm17 latte instead of rm1 tau foo fah... Oh well there goes the photoshoot

By now it's dinner time and I would've guess the kids and Zeta must be hungry. 1 of my favourite spot is The Curve's Tony Roma's. I did tried a few diners around town but I still prefer The one at The Curve. I will order the burger for me, Zeta would order her salad and ribs for the kids. As with famous celebrities there will be fans everywhere and so does Zeta. I would imagine they would just ignore our family dinner privacy and would just greet her for photo session and autographs. Those are normal fans wait till you see the Datuks. I would imagine these Datuks, itchy ones yes, would just ignore me and the kids and would just crash into our dinner and sit by her side and take her hand and talk to her as if we are invisible and the kids would look at me with their big round eyes wondering, demanding an explaination on what the hell is going on and why is this old fart holding their mom's hand?

Come to think about it, it's too much pressure for a peasant, a commoner like me. I love fatty food, I roam at the street of Petaling , I love Burger Longkang, I hate itchy Datuks and I love my faded Astroboy t-shirt. In view of all the above I don't think I can be happy with Zeta and hence we have to go our separate ways sooner or later. Gosh I'm sobbing now... NOT!

After what I have been through, I thank god I met Bebet. With her I don't have to pretend and I get to keep my Bermuda and faded red Astroboy tees.

As for Rozita Che Wan, all the above is just for laugh please don't sue me cos I don't think I can afford the amount you demanded

Cheerio





- momot & Bebet -